It’s funny when I was writing out the last post on my phone, this popped up from an app called “The Pattern” that a friend just told me about. Needless to say, it was like a sign from the universe that I’m ok, and I started bawling my eyes out haha.
It uses your astrological birth chart and you can run “bonds” with your friends to see how compatible you are. Eddy hates it, but of course I love it. We ended up getting into an argument about putting too much stock in these things. He always seems to think that it’s so general that everyone will relate, but I disagree. Apparently his mind takes these things too literally, whereas I use the information like a tool to help me feel better about myself and what I’m going through in the moment. He comes very much from his head, and I from the heart. The popup is the beginning of a longer post, and when you click on it you can “go deeper.” Reading it this morning really helped me… so much that I’ll post it here because I think it’s a fantastic reminder for my future self who is bound to be in this emotional mess again sometime soon…
This is all from The Pattern app. Feel free to add me as a friend if you download it! I think just searching “Elora Lyda” would work 🙂
“Free Spirited and Exciting
You’re a born explorer and want to follow your intuition – you’re not likely to get stuck in one idea, place, or philosophy for long.
You’re a true individual – uniquely yourself. Whether you’re comfortable with it or not, you’re different. You may have always felt this way, like you have an imprint on your personality. Or there may have been something unconventional about your home life that made you feel like an outsider.
You want to trust yourself above anyone else and find your own direction in life. Freedom is a top priority for you and your values aren’t mainstream. But at the same time, your life is often full of changing circumstances, and you may find that your adventures are a moving target. You may often change your mind. Or you could find that erratic events disrupt what you were trying to experience or understand. (ALWAYS)
Possibly, in your early years, there were periods of unexpected change and instability. (This one) Or you may have had a perfectly ordinary childhood but still felt like you didn’t fit in.
You probably have an ingrained way of approaching life or certain instincts that you rely on under stress. You’re tuned into your intuition and don’t want to overanalyze or second-guess yourself. (BUT I DOOOO UGH)
But when plans or circumstances get altered and you try to lean on these qualities, it may feel like you can’t. A part of you is always seeking to understand. It’s not always clear what you’re looking for; it’s more a feeling that you can’t shake – a restless urge to know and experience more.
It feels like you want to climb the highest mountain, so you do. When you get to the top, you discover another mountain that’s even higher, which inspires you to keep climbing. But if could be difficult to maintain your focus on just that one objective – because of disruptions, changes, or a unique new opportunity that comes in. (UGH ALWAYS)
You may believe that others expect you to have an unwavering sense of direction, which could make you feel guilty when you change your mind – you could feel like others may not take you seriously. (Totally)
At times, this has made it difficult to feel a sense of security. Just when your objective seems within reach, an abrupt change redirects your path and forces you to adjust – or you change your own mind. (HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EVER FIND STABILITY THIS WAY?!)
This might have created an underlying feeling of anxiety: Life can seem out of your control. (Isn’t it for everyone?) In response, you might have the urge to blend in, be more “normal,” and not stand out so much. Or, you may thrive in moments of change and enjoy what sets you apart and makes you different. You might be comfortable with being a provocateur (I WANT TO BE! Goals.)
Either way, you probably see things differently than most and find it hard to conform. (It’s painful) Depending on your environment, your unique perspective may or may not have been valued.
For some, you’re an exciting person to be around – but others might be unnerved around your unconventional and enthusiastic temperament, finding you too unpredictable and changeable. (Reminds me of one of the ladies at the women’s retreat I went to told me I was “overwhelming”)
You’re probably restless and hard to pin down. You have more energy than most, and the capacity to withstand – or even seek out – the wildest, most extreme experiences, which for you is only natural. (Oh great so I’ll never feel like anything is enough?)
Instead of owning your divergent nature, you could feel self-conscious and out of place. In this case, while growing up you may have repressed how different or weird you felt inside and might still struggle with it (100%)
You often look for what hasn’t been done before and crave unusual experiences. You may resist situations that feel confining or anyone trying to control you.
When something unexpected happens, people may think you’re the cause and accuse you of being hard to control or disruptive. Don’t let that noise affect you.
You’re genuinely your own person and can’t help but act the way you do – your eccentricity isn’t about trying to prove something or grab attention just because you can.
Trust that it’s ok to be different. Frustration and pain come when you resist being your authentic self and attempt to follow others and act “normal.” You can’t predict what’s going to happen in your life, so avoid trying to control the current – it often makes things worse. (It would be great to learn how to do this lol)
You don’t have to act out in extreme ways to acknowledge this part of your personality, but pretending you’re just like everyone else only makes you feel more alone and alienated. It’s natural for you to want to have exciting experiences and live a unique life – the more unconventional, the better.
Even if you feel pressure to put down roots and focus on material things, it’s important to carve out time to go on your own adventures and seek your own truth and meaning.
These are authentic impulses that are important for you to explore. And if you’re unable to do this on your own, life will intervene by bringing radical changes to you (Yeah wtf this happens all the time…)
You might find that unusual things happen, despite your efforts to stick to the ordinary road. This is especially likely if you conform based on other people’s opinions or judgments.
These unforseen external events and circumstances are trying to release the inner eccentric in you. They’re making your inner “uniqueness” obvious to everyone – and impossible for you to hide. (I wonder when I’ll be comfortable enough to truly come out of hiding?)
Know that change is good. It’s a process you need in order to evolve – in fact, it’s absolutely necessary for you.
It could feel like without a defined direction, you may struggle to know who you are. But while it’s ok to embrace your search for truth and meaning, you don’t need to be stubborn about it or insist that your way is the only way. Your life works better if you let go of your attachment to just one pursuit or philosophy and permit yourself to change your mind. (How am I supposed to get anything done?)
This dynamic is affecting you for a reason. It may seem unfair at times, but this pattern is intentionally designed to break your attachment to your ego and shake loose your foundation and means of control.
It’s your instinct to trust your intuition and earnestly seek your truth – and believe that whatever path you’re on is the right one. You may be so invested in your idealism and countercultural ways that you don’t consider others’ viewpoints – or are averse to switching course.
But sometimes the world doesn’t operate like you expect, forcing you to adapt and grow, opening you up to new and unexpected ways of living and being. What’s happening isn’t personal and you haven’t done anything wrong.
You’re being guided to embrace other parts of yourself that are key to your growth and happiness.
You may feel pressure from family or culture to do and become what they want instead of what you want to do. You don’t have to act out in extreme ways to acknowledge this part of your personality, but pretending you’re just like everyone else only makes you feel more alone and alienated. It’s natural for you to want to have exciting experiences and live a unique, provocative life.
Your life will evolve in unforseen ways, so stay open to the changes as they come. You’re being taken to places you couldn’t have imagined or planned.”