I AM…

At the Journey Home women’s retreat I went to last year, we did an exercise where we went around to each woman as a sort of “speed date” and we told our partner positive traits that our intuition FELT about them, while looking deeply in their eyes. In the end we chose which of those traits to claim, in the form of “I AM.” Gosh I haven’t looked at this for a while…and it just makes me tear up. I am so grateful for all those wonderful ladies I connected with that week. They told me what they could see in me… and it was beautiful. Posting here as a reminder for when I need it:

I AM MAGIC
I am a seeker of truth
I am barefoot in the jungle
I am in a huge underground cavern nourished with running water and beautiful rock formations
I am acceptance
I am an infant and wise woman all at once
I am chosen innocence
I am deep wisdom
I am the fairy lights
I am overwhelming at times yet sparkle with infectious aliveness
I am fierceness, vitality and exuberance
I am a warrior goddess who champions love, joy, courage, honesty and authenticity
I am Elora. 

Perhaps I’m starting to see it a lil bit of this within myself… 🙂

How I Became A Warrior

HOW I BECAME A WARRIOR

Once, I ran from fear
so fear controlled me.
Until I learned to hold fear like a newborn.
Listen to it, but not give in.
Honour it, but not worship it.
Fear could not stop me anymore.
I walked with courage into the storm.
I still have fear,
but it does not have me.

Once, I was ashamed of who I was.
I invited shame into my heart.
I let it burn.
It told me, “I am only trying
to protect your vulnerability”.
I thanked shame dearly,
and stepped into life anyway,
unashamed, with shame as a lover.

Once, I had great sadness
buried deep inside.
I invited it to come out and play.
I wept oceans. My tear ducts ran dry.
And I found joy right there.
Right at the core of my sorrow.
It was heartbreak that taught me how to love.

Once, I had anxiety.
A mind that wouldn’t stop.
Thoughts that wouldn’t be silent.
So I stopped trying to silence them.
And I dropped out of the mind,
and into the Earth.
Into the mud.
Where I was held strong
like a tree, unshakeable, safe.

Once, anger burned in the depths.
I called anger into the light of myself.
I felt its shocking power.
I let my heart pound and my blood boil.
Listened to it, finally.
And it screamed, “Respect yourself fiercely now!”.
“Speak your truth with passion!”.
“Say no when you mean no!”.
“Walk your path with courage!”.
“Let no one speak for you!”
Anger became an honest friend.
A truthful guide.
A beautiful WILD child.

Once, loneliness cut deep.
I tried to distract and numb myself.
Ran to people and places and things.
Even pretended I was “happy”.
But soon I could not run anymore.
And I tumbled into the heart of loneliness.
And I died and was reborn
into an exquisite solitude and stillness.
That connected me to all things.
So I was not lonely, but alone with All Life.
My heart One with all other hearts.

Once, I ran from difficult feelings.
Now, they are my advisors, confidants, friends,
and they all have a home in me,
and they all belong and have dignity.
I am sensitive, soft, fragile,
my arms wrapped around all my inner children.
And in my sensitivity, power.
In my fragility, an unshakeable Presence.

In the depths of my wounds,
in what I had named “darkness”,
I found a blazing Light
that guides me now in battle.

I became a warrior
when I turned towards myself.

And started listening.

Author: Jeff Foster (www.lifewithoutacentre.com)

Surrender

What does surrender even mean?

You don’t have to feel overwhelmed.
You don’t have to feel pressure.
You don’t have to feel doubt.
You don’t have to feel insecure.
You don’t have to feel inadequate.
You don’t have to feel behind.
You don’t have to feel regret.
All you need is gratitude.
All you need is to be. Here. Now.
All you need is love.
Love will lead to peace.
Why is this so hard?
Because you still haven’t surrendered.

It doesn’t have to be hard.

LISTEN, RESPECT, FOCUS – How To Connect With Your Soul

LISTEN
Listen to your breath.
This is your heart, your soul
This is me, this is you
And all that surrounds you

RESPECT
Respect the power of the divine light within
And recognize that it is also yours to wield
You are only a vessel
Allow me to propel you forward

FOCUS
Focus only on what lies ahead
And you can do no wrong
Observe the cycle, for it is you.
You are the universe.

Had a CRAZY experience when running this morning. I started off focusing on my breath like a regular meditation, but then the words Mother Ayahuasca kept harping into me during third ceremony found their way into me.

LISTEN. RESPECT. FOCUS. 

I realize now that this is a mantra! I’ve been saying it to myself, but never REPEATEDLY over the course of like… today I had to run 5 miles so I was out there for nearly an hour. Focusing on these words a strange thing started to happen… My eyes were being forced shut, similar to 3rd ceremony, and I found myself running with my eyes closed in a straight line for the first time ever. I love running with my eyes closed but I could never trust myself to do it for extended periods of time, but this mantra put me in a weird, trance like state where I was able to run with my eyes closed and messages started pouring in. The above is a paraphrased version of what I was told, but essentially what happened is that… I felt similar to I did in ceremony, being one with the universe, and so light like I was completely going with the flow of this “lifestream” the voice called it.

I was so amazed and grateful that I was able to enter this type of state that toward the end of my run I said “Thank you Mother Ayahuasca” and the response I got back was “I’m not Mother Ayahuasca… but she helped open you to me. I am you, you are me. I am your heart, your soul… I’ve been trying to get you to listen for so long… I’m so glad you finally did.”

I was shocked. I started bawling. What even is life anymore.

moon011919

This is what the moon looked like last night… never seen it like this before. It’s a preshow for the main event this evening 😀So excited for the Super Blood Wolf Moon eclipse! I can already feel it… some strange magic is afoot.

(We looked it up and it’s actually called a 22 degree lunar halo. Never seen this in my life… I guess it’s pretty rare.)

Another bonus — I just finished my daily Yoga With Adriene and the theme of today was LISTEN!!! How weird is that!!! SYNCHRONICITYYYY!!! 😀 And it’s also… ALL ABOUT LISTENING TO YOUR BREATH! YOUR SOUL! YOUR SPIRIT! She calls it your “heartsong” 🙂 Anyone can connect with their soul in this way, as long as you take the time to listen. Gosh I love Adriene so much… totally affirmed what happened this morning. The universe is a strange and beautiful place. I’m glad I can finally see it for what it is…

Take Notice of Trees

Take notice of trees

For just like the breeze

They quiver with untamed beauty

 

The wisdom of these

Gladly teach with ease

For open hearts willing to listen

 

But just as we

Time bears down on thee

And rot besets forests and thickets

 

Our trunks, our leaves

Life shapes, life heals

Bending each of us unique into being

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The trees that sparked the poem…taken from the park where I run each morning

I’m actually really shocked that I just wrote a poem because I don’t write poems (for fear of being horrible at it). However, I’ve been working on learning how to open myself up more to receive and find that running at sunrise with Mother Ayahuasca has been… enlightening to say the least.

She keeps surprising me!

This reminds me of a line from The Last Unicorn that I read last night, when the Unicorn transforms into Lady Amalthea and Prince Lir is overcome by her beauty.

“The cool brightness of the Lady Amalthea grew more slowly than had Mabruk’s wind, but the prince understood quite well that it was far more dangerous. He wanted to write poems by that light, and he had never wanted to write poems before.

I suppose this is what it feels like to be kissed by magic. To recognize that some things are too beautiful and best described through some type of artistic expression. We as humans all have the ability to tap into this, and each new day can be an exciting opportunity for magic to manifest! All we have to do is listen and let it flow through us without fear.