Just watched 50 First Dates because I’m trying to learn how to relax and give myself time to just do things that I enjoy.
Today I had a long conversation with Mary where we talked so much about mental health. I’ve never been able to talk to anyone so candidly about it other than Eddy, so it was refreshing. I cried a lot but was able to release a lot too.
I forgot exactly what I said to her, but it showed her that I was really building awareness with my behavior and really starting to understand that I was born being the way that I am…and that’s ok. It just means I have to live WITH it, because it’s not going anywhere. I have to learn to WALK WITH IT. I can’t let it overtake me. I have to separate it. Be NEXT to it.
What struck me with 50 First Dates today is that, when Henry starts making Lucy the videos to remind her what happened every morning, she has to WAKE UP EVERY MORNING and ACCEPT that about herself. Accept this horrible truth that her brain is broken from an accident…and I feel like that’s basically the truth for all of us. Yes I seem to have this “condition,” but we ALL have our own inner demons that we wrestle with everyday. And we have to accept that about ourselves and CHOOSE TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT. EVERY SINGLE DAY. It’s rough…and I guess some days will be tougher than others…but that’s really the only choice we have.
It’s funny how our minds seem to naturally focus on the “bad” rather than the “good”, but I suppose it’s our “fight or flight” nature to survive. In order to cope with our overwhelming world, anxiety and depression have become the norm. We tend to put up a lot of mental protection to supposedly keep us safe, which results in a lot of subconscious “lashing out” behavior or obsessing over very specific things to give us some form of strange comfort. I’ve come to find that my biggest coping mechanism is my faulty memory which has helped me repress a lot of trauma in my past, but it also wipes out most good memories as well. I’m grateful to have Eddy who basically has a photographic memory, so he not only can remember movie quotes, but good times we’ve had that I quickly forget when things get bad.
Many of us are so lucky and privileged, yet we choose to a scarcity mindset rather than one of abundance — focusing on what is lacking in our lives and the world around us, rather than what we have and should be grateful for. This allows us to continue unhealthy patterns that result in repeatedly hurting ourselves, and possibly even others around us. The key is awareness and gratitude, but if we don’t have anyone to point out our behavior and we don’t know how to do it for ourselves, how are we supposed to get out of these toxic mental cycles? As a collective, we really have to start looking WITHIN for these answers. Only then can we really start to heal and find our own ways to raise our awareness, preventing us from falling in the same trap over and over again. That’s what I’m attempting to do 🙂
50 First Dates is one of my favorite movies ever… I just love Drew Barrymore/Adam Sandler romcoms so much, their chemistry is perfect! ;_; But this one in particular really gets me because of the memory issues. In the movie Drew Barrymore’s character Lucy has “anterograde amnesia,” a disorder where you stop creating new memories after a traumatic event. Trauma can create PTSD which affects our mind in all sorts of ways, and trauma is inevitable in our lives as human beings. Some of us are able to handle it better than others, but a lot of us are dealing with it subconsciously every single day in our thought patterns, bad habits and mental hangups. 50 First Dates addresses trauma in such a lighthearted and charming way, I highly recommend it, especially if you like romcoms!
This is my favorite moment in the movie and always makes me cry ;__; Especially because sometimes I feel so messed up that it’d be better for me to just not be in anyone’s life, including Eddy’s, for THEIR sake. This is part of the reason I tend to disappear or keep my distance. But this shows how love is stronger than that, reminding me that maybe those thoughts are just a bad pattern from the trauma I’ve experienced. Thankfully Eddy is so good at pulling me out of the darkness when I trick myself into thinking I’m a complete worthless waste of space on this earth.
This shows Lucy at the end of the movie watching her own external HD in the form of a VHS tape that Henry makes for her. I’m glad that I managed to figure out what to do for MY external HD! Can’t wait to make this comic into a book 🙂